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Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

Anonymous

Funny

Sep 3

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Anonymous

Funny

Sep 2

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

Mark Twain

Funny

Sep 1

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

Funny

Aug 31

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Bill Murray

Funny

Aug 30

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny

Aug 29

WebMD is updating its server because of a virus. Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis…

WebMD is updating its server because of a virus. Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis...

Crystal Lowery

Funny

Aug 28

I recently asked a student where his homework was. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil’.

I recently asked a student where his homework was. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil'.

Larry Timmons

Funny

Aug 27

Instant gratification takes too long.

Instant gratification takes too long.

Carrie Fisher

Funny

Aug 26

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Anonymous

Anonymous

Funny

Aug 9